Good morning. Good night? I've taken another ambien, though I realized since I can't sleep in until when ever I like it may not be the best choice. That's my 3rd one to just try and make it through the night and get some sleep. In the mean time I'm going to sip some warn chicken broth with a blanket, wait for my third ambien to sedate me, and blog to you while my husband is asleep.
This weekend has been fine - far better than more recent weekends in the self control department. J surprised me Friday after work with an impromptu "going out" dinner, which is very unlike him. He chose a Mexican restaurant, and apologized later when he realized there is absolutely nothing there that I could choose from for what I eat.Before we left I checked at I was still 148.2 as I was that morning; I purged at the restaurant and again in the shower when we got home. After all this in the evening I stayed 148.2, so I imagine all the food weight was accounted for. In the morning I was 148.4, probably water retention from all the food purging. After all was settled back down last night, I had some kiwi, yogurt, and a small salad with feta cheese and onion to try to raise my blood sugar or fix my over all "crap" feeling I've been getting after a purge. It's almost like a dizziness, though I can't say for sure that I was "dizzy."
Saturday (148.2) was just fine with more cheese eggs and coffee for breakfast, along with a kiwi (245 cal). After that I had some fun at Better Health Market, picking up my favorite things for the next week. I'm going to try papaya for the first time. I got a green fruit and spinach smoothie while I was shopping there (so good), and got the fixings for an organic, vegan, ana-would-approve cabbage soup.That turned out quote well (100? cal). Also, I had this granola bar that was raw gojiberri and nuts, etc. I think that was like 320cal (yikes) but I didn't at all feel hungry after I ate it. So let's count:
245
300
320
100
-----
965 yikes! And those are just estimates! Everything was raw foods/juices, or organic.I see I must be more judicious along the way. I realized last night that today is the DAY. I must be PERFECT if I want to hit my goal weight in time for Thanksgiving. And I MUST. Be my goal weight. Even if I'm not Sarah's weight.... it will be enough. It won't be all about her, and I can take 'my thing' back. She stole it.I was the sick one, and before I knew what was happening, she got thinner. Now she's always looked at like the sick one, though she's never told her self 'no' on anything she wanted her entire life. She's not sick, she's just egocentric. Well, come when we meet eyes on Thanksgiving, I intend to known her down a few begs and claim back my sick throne.I have suffered it 10 years... She has reveled only in the attention it got her to be thin.
I have a workout plan I'm finishing up today. I'll will post it to you when I have the chance. but if I have a dream of being GW by this holiday and I MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST.,,, then I must begin yoga and exercises too.
I will be perfect. I hope any of this makes sense through the fog of ambien. I hope to go back to bed now. Just wanted to update you while I have the chance.
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