I can't seem to get any sleep for the life of me. Not much anyway. This at least allowed me to get up according to the plan I had for the day. Said plan is to do the ABC for at 9-10 days, until the concert/anniversary I'm thinking. Since my loss has been stagnating a bit, I just want to make sure I lose as much as possible by then. When I look at the ABC in the scope of 50 days, it's sure to make me to fail. I've learned I need shorter goals to succeed, rather than a discouraging big picture. Anyways, also I wanted to pick up working out at the gym again (since I go there every day to tan anyways) and do yoga for relaxation, stretching, and toning (this is all to help wake up my metabolism). I mapped out the times I needed to do everything in order to get to work on time, and I was up over an hour earlier than that, which gave me some added "wake up time" that was nice.
What was odd was that the scale originally showed I didn't lose anything, 147.2. Then I stepped back on as I have occasion to do (3 times total), and the other two read 148.2... Say what now? As an added bonus, after I had a few cups of coffee and eggs, it read 149.2! *mouth open* There is no way I had 1lb of food weight in me, scrambled eggs to be exact... My husband felt bad and said I must be crazy, so he pulled out this other scale he has, and it in fact read even slightly higher. So which is right? Am I disillusioned that I was even as low as I was? I mean, weight cannot "materialize" can it? Who knows. All I'm focusing on is the day, or I'm on the fast track to failure. I know me, and my failure side isn't pretty. We aren't going there this holiday season.
My meal plan for today that I laid out last night is 500 calories on the nose, and it's a reasonable set of snacks so that I shouldn't have any dips in blood sugar too serious. I love yoga; It centers, calms, and distracts me so that everything feels in place at that moment. I would do it all day long if I had the option. I don't think about food, because it makes me feel calm and clean and focused. I may do AM and PM sessions. Problem is that when I get home, it doesn't leave me much time for things if I need to go to bed so early so as I can get up so early. I'm guessing (now that I don't have to stop to tan) it will go something like leave work at 5pm, arrive home about 5:20pm, cuddle hubs for a bit, maybe shower/bath at 6pm, have something warm to drink and do a pm yoga at 7pm, and bed by 8pm. Hopefully that is early enough to get up. When I take Walmart sleeping pills instead of Ambien, it makes it impossibly hard to get out of bed. But I've been over taking my ambien, since they've not been working, so I should avoid it. All other pills make me feel so awful on an empty stomach though. Maybe I should do the Walmart and the Ambien, who knows.
Today at work is going horrifically bad and it isn't even 10am. I have a good load of work to do, and already so many calls and problems. I feel like I can't deal today. Like I cannot stand the thought of being here this whole day. I want to run out the door and leave. I think I would do almost anything to, and since I can't I must just "be" and accept this day, change my attitude and make as much as I can of it. I'm starting my cycle today or tomorrow, and maybe that explains the sudden bloat and the sudden upset feelings. But it certainly has made my day much harder. I can't help but wonder why, when I'm being all but perfect I can't lose anything. At least not very fast. I'm guessing from my constantly freezing hands and fuzzy mind that my metabolism is so low it is napping. But what can I do? Now a bad day doesn't really make me want to binge, I'm not craving anything fried or gross. It just makes me want to be home in front of the TV. I guess little bits of sleep and little bits of food can do that.
I'm really hoping this is temporary weight, because it sets me back quite alot for the next short term goal of 145 by Wednesday concert (different concert). I'm fairly confident it is though, as I haven't had anything bad at all.
In other, perhaps lighter news I went to Plato's Closet to see if they had a VS Pink sweat suit like I had set for #144, but they didn't have anything I liked. Might hunt about Craigslist or Ebay. I'm not going to get my teeth whitened, as I had for (I think?) 145. Might exchange it for a manicure or something. Truth be told it is so exact on how much time I have left to lbs to lose ratio, I'm really worried I won't be my GW (#118) by Thanksgiving. But I suppose that's just my cycle's pessimism setting in. I. Must. Be.
At least if I follow ABC as much as I can I know I will lose a lb a day. That's close to guaranteed with that program. Just can't figure out why I'm so plateaued. Enough of this. On to a happier part to the day, because I feel my heart may explode with stress and sadness.
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